I Waited Until Connections to Cry

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As much as I hate to admit it, I wear my emotions of my sleeves. When I’m passionate about something it makes it extremely difficult to mask how I’m feeling. So during 1st academic today when I heard my voice crack as we worked through writing expressions, I mentally talked the tears back.

It’s a hard realization when the celebration you had one week becomes completely overshadowed by students unwillingness to pause and think and make sense of what they see. I mean it’s November, we’ve had at least 3 months of tasks, guiding questions, reflections, rubrics and more. Yet as I stood in front of my students I made mental leaps of whys and hows and what the’s.

Two classes down. During planning time I sat at my kidney table going through work samples submitted by students. Two teammates walked in questioning if I were okay, prompting the tears I had been holding back to overflow my downcast eyes. The feeling of failure tormented me. All those negative thoughts that my ego had been warding off filled my mind.

What do you do once you’ve done all you can do? What do you do when you feel you’ve failed at the one thing you believe you’ve been put on this Earth to do?

You cry, wipe your tears and try again…

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4 thoughts on “I Waited Until Connections to Cry

  1. turtletoms

    I wish I could think of even one thing to say that might be useful to you. Instead, I just want to give you a big hug. You have been really giving this your all. I’ll be thinking about this until something more helpful than hugging surfaces. Meanwhile, virtual hugs sent your way.

    Love you.
    t

  2. That was my Friday EXACTLY! We have been working on double digit subtraction. I have not taught the traditional algorithm and moved on like the other teachers. We have come up with fantastic strategies and it has been going great. Then Friday only ONE child was able to figure out the subtraction problem (unfortunately I had given them a “naked” problem). That child was one that was a repeater and did the traditional algorithm. I texted my husband saying how defeated I felt after teaching in the way I feel so passionately about just to have the traditional algorithm be the only one that my students used. It was all because they wouldn’t think about the numbers. I sent them to recess, ate a Twix, said some prayers with tears, and we’ll try again next week. I’m sorry you had a bad day, too. If it helps, I feel better knowing I’m not the only one!

    • I had a Snickers and you had a Twix! We can laugh at that now our tears are dry. When fighting the good fight things get difficult. But you’re showing people that to be an overcomer, you wipe your tears, looks to the hills for guidance and try again. I would love to hear how things are better for you next week.

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